October 24. 2010

Five things I am thankful for today:

1) The quarterly Wilcox Family birthday party. While we all inevitably spend the first 30 minutes or so in the uncomfortable we-haven't-seen-or-talked-with-each-other-since-the-last-birthday-party kind of awkwardness, by the end of the night, we are hugging and chatting and sharing our lives once again. So many different personalities, so many walks of life, so many life experiences all in one room, in one family! How blessed I am to be a part of it!

2) The strength of Sarah, Stephanie, Rachel, Spencer, Amanda and Aaron. Oneal has been gone almost 2-1/2 years now... hard years for all of us, but especially for his wife and children. I can't imagine the sorrow and demons with which they've had to struggle. I anticipate the trials rippling from his death are not past, but I am thankful for their continued faith and stick-to-it-ness. I pray to never understand first hand or experience this variety of pain, but I hope to be as strong as they when faced with adversity. Oh, how I love you guys!

3) The unconditional love of Grandma Betty. She is and always has been one of the most loving people I know. When I grow up, I want to be like Gma Betty. It has been one year since Grandpa died... (another spiritual giant whom I greatly admire and respect). My insightful husband took opportunity to call her on the anniversary of his death and talked with her for hours, asking her questions about their lives together and then recording them for future generations. Oh how I love them. Even with Gpa gone, I still think of them as a duo. I always find safety in her embraces... and I love watching my children experience her love as well.

4) Chelsie's yummy pumpkin bars. I love Fall. I love pumpkin. I love homemade cream cheese frosting. Put all of them together and I am one happy gal! Chelsie is one of the best bakers I know and so when I found her pumpkin bar recipe on her blog, I snatched it up right away and made a batch for family party! Thank goodness there were so many desserts that I got to bring half the sheet of cake home! My cute sis-in-law Jenny used to make pumpkin bars. While making them I couldn't help but think of her. I hope she knows how much I love her. I hope she knows I deeply regret not taking opportunity to share more of our lives together before she left. I hope she know I miss her.

5) Time spent with my babies and their awesome daddy! We were finishing up construction of the desk and watched the show "BABIES" together as a family while we did it. While there was a some biology/anatomy I wasn't planning on having to explain to my children, it was a fun show to watch and my kids got a kick out it! I got to hold my J and cuddle with my M.R. and giggle with my R. They (kids and dad) all want another baby in the house, so they enjoyed seeing one first hand since Mommy still isn't on board with the idea.

Why is that? (I keep wondering to myself...and now you). Why am I not ready? My current baby is already three years old... the other kids only have 2 to 2-1/2 years between them... Even if i were to get pregnant now (oh boy), there would be four years between them. I keep feeling like something is wrong with me in that I have such little desire to have another baby. I have fairly easy pregnancies, relatively easy deliveries, so I feel like a big, whiny baby; BUT emotionally, I REALLY struggle all throughout pregnancy and even the 1-1/2 years ensuing. I take a long time to emotionally recover. I don't know if that's a chemical thing or a maturity thing... but whenever I think about having another child, I think about regression. I don't think I am spiritually mature enough to handle that right now... maybe I should exercise some faith and go for it anyway. Time will tell, I guess.

Wow.... Didn't expect the telling of that thankful point to lead to this... Hmmm... gonna go now.

What five things are YOU thankful for TODAY?