I am going to type my entry before I title it, especially since I don't have anything special or enlightening to share. I just have need to brain dump my day. Here goes...
Up this morning at 5:00 (supposed to be 3:00 to catch up on transcription from a fabulous weekend of much-needed camping with friends). Unfortunately, I didn't finish before my first piano lesson arrived at 8:00. I taught six students until 11:15 and felt like I'd already worked a full day. Side note: I love teaching these kids... Most of them teenagers that actually like to be at my house! I LOVE that I can be joking with them, exchanging jibes and teasings and then the next minute bearing testimony about the Plan of Salvation, the power of music and good friends, and what a joy is it to be associated with such great and noble kids...unique piano lessons at my house wouldn't ya say)!
By time I finished up my sweet, bored, unsupervised, unfed children had taken over the house and left the main living spaces (namely the kitchen and basement family room) a tornado of a mess, not having done any bed-making or chore-doing. As a result, I felt like I had to live the rest of my day in the negative, catching up. Don't like that feeling.
So, since most of what they'd eaten consisted of snacking, I fed them a slightly better lunch and read to them for 30 minutes. (Insert sigh here). Even if I eventually get to putting things back together in my house, that was the highlight. I love reading to my babies.
Unfortunately, a serious case of the sleepies and grumies suddenly set in (not for them, but for me) and I had to urgently get a nap or be in danger of yelling myself silly. Thankfully, the kidlets read books for a majority of mommy's and baby's (though she tells me constantly she's not a baby anymore) naptime. For those who might not know, I have a snack monster that lives at my house and if left unsupervised for one second, will tear the kitchen apart looking for and ravaging anything she can find. Such was the case during this much-needed and useful nap of mine and she left in her wake a hyped up version of what used to be a messy kitchen with bread crumbs and cheese pieces scattered through the place. Wow! She amazes me with her lack of constraint or discreetness.
Yet, here I am at the computer....fighting the thoughts of uselessness and wasted-day-itis typing my thoughts, hoping to get some courage to fight the daily and constant blessed onslaught of motherhood! :)
BUT I need to finish the 2hrs of transcription before I can even think about that, or dinner, or FHE and we are quickly approaching the 5:00 hour... Oh dear... wish me luck...Here's to hoping I start tomorrow with a more executable plan!
In that same vein, I have been talking with and reading blogs of strong women who have to deal with much, much harder daily fights than mine...so I think the title of this particular entry will have the word "blessings" somewhere in it...
Monday, June 21, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Hmmmm....
Already this morning, I have gotten up early to work before the kids are awake, read the blog of an amazing, inspiring woman, and taken the trash to the curb in my bare feet (pretty sure it's less than 40 degrees outside)... and feelin' good....even though the job I quit, keeps sending me more work... Hmmmm....
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Choices
So I made a choice today. It's probably one I should have made a long time ago, but it's a hard choice, full of uncertainty. But it was time.
You see, with Jenny's death, ironically a month ago today, I made a decision... to not take my family for granted anymore... to let those precious moments not slip by any longer... to take time to be a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter....not just a distracted, stressed, frustrated, overworked warm body merely trying to survive each day. I was spending so much time wearing multiple hats, trying to balance them all on my head, that I haven't been doing any of them very well for a very long time now. And frankly, that really starts to wear on a person... and the people/things she is responsible to.
So I made a choice today. Some may think it a silly thing that this is such an epiphany for me... it really is seemingly no big deal... but I was stuck in the madness of a quasi-routine that I just couldn't let go of for fear I might lose my white-knuckled grip on everything. Make sense?
Now for more of an explanation. I warn you it will seem very trite when I'm finished, but I choose to see this as pivotal. Now that's interesting... I used that exact word this morning when I ran upstairs about 10 minutes after 7:00 to cuddle with Ryan before the kids woke up... I was anxious and unsettled and I couldn't figure out why... The exact words I used this morning were these, "Can we pray...I'm feeling anxious and don't know why... as if something pivotal is happening today..." How interesting...
Ok, NOW the explanation... I have several part-time work-from-home jobs I try to pull off every week to make it possible for me to stay at home and be "mommy." The saddest part of all is that because my time is so tied up in "working from home," I have yet to be the kind of mommy I yearn to be. Because the income from all my jobs is so limited, I still have yet to earn enough to "make it" financially every month, so I've felt trapped in that there is no way, despite the quality of work I was giving them, my house, or my family that I could sacrifice the income, no matter how meager.
As I mentioned earlier, I've decided once and for all that life is too short. My time with my little family is going by so fast. I've spent the past couple of weeks putting my family first instead of the jobs... and have done better. My house is cleaner, I've spent more quality time with the kids, my temper has not been so trigger-happy, and the Spirit has visited our home more frequently. I've started to invite friends and family over to visit because I choose to cherish relationships now, not just when my house is the way I want it... but my jobs have suffered. My employers have not been happy with me as of late. Though I was completing the work, I was always late... something that particularly "infuriates" one of the people I am accountable to. While the others have been annoyed, they have been understanding for the most part.
But this past weekend, an error on their part combined with an error on my part, combined with my crazy schedule and lack of real time to fix the error in a manner pleasing to them in a time frame pleasing to them, and after hearing the frustration and disgust in her condescending voice yet again, I made the choice this morning to quit. I can't even begin to tell you what the instantaneous relief to my heart and soul felt like once I'd made that choice! While a limited amount of time weekly is really all that is freed as a result, I no longer have to choose them over my children. I no longer have to feel like a failure for not meeting their expectations. I can put that in my past and no longer confront it daily in the present! (insert massive sigh of relief here)!
And just to give an accounting, during the time I "should" have been completing her work, I chose to read to my children who were gathered around me completely engrossed in a new book and the rare quality time we were spending together all cuddled up. My son, in his sweet and sincere honesty, stated as he climbed into bed, "This was the best day ever." And for the first time, in a long time, I felt that I'd made a positive difference in the lives of my children. I chose wisely the way I spent that time... and do not regret it... not for one minute!
So, instead of being upset with her for making this choice an easier one today, I will thank her for her OCD and condescending ways that have caused me to be a disappointment in her eyes. I will thank her for pushing me to the edge of "ENOUGH ALREADY!" In that moment of uncertainty after quitting, that moment of "now what"... I turned to Heavenly Father. First, I sighed... knowing my heart would find solace and respite in the communication with my Father. Second, I apologized for not running it by Him first. Third, I sobbed in gratitude when He sent a beautiful confirmation that this was the right thing to do... my family, not this doctor, needed me... the best of me.
So I made a choice today. All be it, a small choice, a choice nonetheless, for my family. For my/our sanity. One that I would never have imagined would be so hard... but was.
Moving forward, I choose to have faith. Faith that the Lord will provide a way for us to either make it without that income or provide another/better option. Again, trite to some, but pivotal to me. I'm so grateful I am in His constant care... especially in the seemingly small events of the day-to-day.
You see, with Jenny's death, ironically a month ago today, I made a decision... to not take my family for granted anymore... to let those precious moments not slip by any longer... to take time to be a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter....not just a distracted, stressed, frustrated, overworked warm body merely trying to survive each day. I was spending so much time wearing multiple hats, trying to balance them all on my head, that I haven't been doing any of them very well for a very long time now. And frankly, that really starts to wear on a person... and the people/things she is responsible to.
So I made a choice today. Some may think it a silly thing that this is such an epiphany for me... it really is seemingly no big deal... but I was stuck in the madness of a quasi-routine that I just couldn't let go of for fear I might lose my white-knuckled grip on everything. Make sense?
Now for more of an explanation. I warn you it will seem very trite when I'm finished, but I choose to see this as pivotal. Now that's interesting... I used that exact word this morning when I ran upstairs about 10 minutes after 7:00 to cuddle with Ryan before the kids woke up... I was anxious and unsettled and I couldn't figure out why... The exact words I used this morning were these, "Can we pray...I'm feeling anxious and don't know why... as if something pivotal is happening today..." How interesting...
Ok, NOW the explanation... I have several part-time work-from-home jobs I try to pull off every week to make it possible for me to stay at home and be "mommy." The saddest part of all is that because my time is so tied up in "working from home," I have yet to be the kind of mommy I yearn to be. Because the income from all my jobs is so limited, I still have yet to earn enough to "make it" financially every month, so I've felt trapped in that there is no way, despite the quality of work I was giving them, my house, or my family that I could sacrifice the income, no matter how meager.
As I mentioned earlier, I've decided once and for all that life is too short. My time with my little family is going by so fast. I've spent the past couple of weeks putting my family first instead of the jobs... and have done better. My house is cleaner, I've spent more quality time with the kids, my temper has not been so trigger-happy, and the Spirit has visited our home more frequently. I've started to invite friends and family over to visit because I choose to cherish relationships now, not just when my house is the way I want it... but my jobs have suffered. My employers have not been happy with me as of late. Though I was completing the work, I was always late... something that particularly "infuriates" one of the people I am accountable to. While the others have been annoyed, they have been understanding for the most part.
But this past weekend, an error on their part combined with an error on my part, combined with my crazy schedule and lack of real time to fix the error in a manner pleasing to them in a time frame pleasing to them, and after hearing the frustration and disgust in her condescending voice yet again, I made the choice this morning to quit. I can't even begin to tell you what the instantaneous relief to my heart and soul felt like once I'd made that choice! While a limited amount of time weekly is really all that is freed as a result, I no longer have to choose them over my children. I no longer have to feel like a failure for not meeting their expectations. I can put that in my past and no longer confront it daily in the present! (insert massive sigh of relief here)!
And just to give an accounting, during the time I "should" have been completing her work, I chose to read to my children who were gathered around me completely engrossed in a new book and the rare quality time we were spending together all cuddled up. My son, in his sweet and sincere honesty, stated as he climbed into bed, "This was the best day ever." And for the first time, in a long time, I felt that I'd made a positive difference in the lives of my children. I chose wisely the way I spent that time... and do not regret it... not for one minute!
So, instead of being upset with her for making this choice an easier one today, I will thank her for her OCD and condescending ways that have caused me to be a disappointment in her eyes. I will thank her for pushing me to the edge of "ENOUGH ALREADY!" In that moment of uncertainty after quitting, that moment of "now what"... I turned to Heavenly Father. First, I sighed... knowing my heart would find solace and respite in the communication with my Father. Second, I apologized for not running it by Him first. Third, I sobbed in gratitude when He sent a beautiful confirmation that this was the right thing to do... my family, not this doctor, needed me... the best of me.
So I made a choice today. All be it, a small choice, a choice nonetheless, for my family. For my/our sanity. One that I would never have imagined would be so hard... but was.
Moving forward, I choose to have faith. Faith that the Lord will provide a way for us to either make it without that income or provide another/better option. Again, trite to some, but pivotal to me. I'm so grateful I am in His constant care... especially in the seemingly small events of the day-to-day.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Hmmmm....
So, it's been a while... So long in fact that I have no idea what to post right now. To be continued....
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Update
Oh boy...
I wasn't too worried about things Tuesday afternoon right before Superman went into surgery. Because Cholecystectomy (gall bladder removal) via laparoscopy is such a routine procedure, we decided I would just stay home with the kids and then come back to pick him up after Rhiaman got out of school. I just couldn't take it though... while I couldn't find anyone last minute who could take all three kids at once, I scrambled to find three different friends (thank you, thank you, thank you) who could each watch one child each, reassuring all involved that it would only be a couple of hours. I happened to get to the surgical area right before he went in, and got to kiss him and wish him luck. They told me my wait would be anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. So, 30 minutes in they called my name and I walked up to the volunteer excited to go meet him. She whispered sympathetically, "They've run into some problems, it will probably be at least another hour, possibly longer."
Wow... so I started to get worried. I called his parents to let them know, sat down to watch t.v. and thankfully fell asleep. I woke up an hour later to my father-in-law waking me. He had come to wait with me and see what was happening. As timed ticked slowly on, I really did try to calm my nerves but just couldn't. I was making nervous conversation, eating my candy-coated peanuts and Symphony bar like it was going out of style looking for some sort of comfort.
Another hour went by and I realized that I was now past the "couple of hours" mark for my babysitters and called my mom hoping she was in town. Thankfully, she wasn't flying and was able to come up and be with the kids. Finally, they called my name and I about jumped out of my seat and sprinted to the desk... my father-in-law even kind of chuckled at it. Trying to appear calm when you've played every possible scenario in your head (no matter how minor the surgery) is hard to do!
**SURGICAL CONTENT WARNING***The surgeon sat down with us and told us all the nitty gritty goodness of Superman's very sickly gall bladder. Apparently Superman had had that kryptonite in his pocket longer than we had thought. He was REALLY sick. They had attempted laparoscopy a couple of different ways, tried all sorts of things to get to the gall bladder, but it was SO enflamed there was nothing left to do but open him up. Apparently, the gall bladder was about four times the size it should be, the lining in some of the areas was close to half-inch thick, and there were so many large gall stones that even the large 8-in incision wasn't big enough to get the stupid thing out. They finally had to dissect the gall bladder and pull it out in pieces!!! After irrigating his gut out to clear out all the sludge, they then sewed in a drain to let the gunk find its way safely out. They finished the patch job with 23 stunning staples across his belly!
After a 15-minute discussion with the surgeon, they told us which room he would be assigned to. Dad and I walked there and waited another two hours for him to get out of recovery. We called the worried family members and waited some more. Starving, we both shared another of the chocolate bars I had stashed in my purse while we watched "Dirty Jobs" as a very good distraction.
When they finally brought him in (5-1/2 hours after he went in for surgery), he was beyond groggy. The first thing he says as he realizes he is hooked up to machines and laying flat on his back in a hospital bed and room feeling like crap is, "Well, I guess I won't be going home tonight, eh?" Ummm, no.
The very next day, they wanted him to be up and walking. I completely understand the mechanics of it and reasons for it, but I cringed every time he had to move, let alone stand and walk! After three days of constant antibiotics to get his infection taken care of, two more days of pain control coupled with painful walking up and down hospital halls, he was finally able to be miserable at home not just the hospital.
The next day, Sunday was truly a day of "rest" because Monday was the "Opening Ceremonies" per se of the 2009 Legislative Session. And Superman, being the super man he is, was going to be there, no matter what. So with a wheelchair packed in the back of the car, kids strapped in their seatbelts, pain medication in our pockets, a doctor's blessing (so long as Superman was pushed all day in the wheelchair for a couple of weeks) and prayers in our hearts and on our lips, we braved the ice-covered roads running late (big surprise) to get there just in time to wheel him to his seat on the House floor as the meeting began.
When they swore in the Legislators, they did it in two groups: the re-elected Represensatives and then the newly elected Representatives. They asked the new group to come up front to be sworn in. After the prolonged moving of chairs and people was finished, a fellow-Legislator wheeled Superman up front. Speaker of the House then thankfully excused my hubby from standing... and it became ceremonially official! He is a Utah State Legislator for real! The camera was one of the things that was forgotten as we ran out the door, so I am awaiting pictures from the other newby Legislator's wives that graciously took pictures for us! As soon as I have them, I'll post them.
My mother-in-law was a saint to take off work to be there for support, and then take my kids for the day so I could be there to help Superman. No matter what I said, he just wouldn't go home. I tried to give him all sorts of good and sound reasons that going home would be a really good idea, but he always had a reason to stay just a few minutes longer. I hope he doesn't pay for it later. Mom had dinner waiting for us when we finally got to her house to pick up the kidlets. By time we got him home in bed, exhausted, it was 10:00.
All so he could wake up and do it again the next day... this time without us... so far so good.
Well, there you have it. The update. THE END.
p.s. Oh yeah, and for those who might not know, wheelchairs are heavy and awkward things to heft in and out of a car all by my girly self! There is probably an easier way to do it, I just haven't found it yet. Wish me luck!
I wasn't too worried about things Tuesday afternoon right before Superman went into surgery. Because Cholecystectomy (gall bladder removal) via laparoscopy is such a routine procedure, we decided I would just stay home with the kids and then come back to pick him up after Rhiaman got out of school. I just couldn't take it though... while I couldn't find anyone last minute who could take all three kids at once, I scrambled to find three different friends (thank you, thank you, thank you) who could each watch one child each, reassuring all involved that it would only be a couple of hours. I happened to get to the surgical area right before he went in, and got to kiss him and wish him luck. They told me my wait would be anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour. So, 30 minutes in they called my name and I walked up to the volunteer excited to go meet him. She whispered sympathetically, "They've run into some problems, it will probably be at least another hour, possibly longer."
Wow... so I started to get worried. I called his parents to let them know, sat down to watch t.v. and thankfully fell asleep. I woke up an hour later to my father-in-law waking me. He had come to wait with me and see what was happening. As timed ticked slowly on, I really did try to calm my nerves but just couldn't. I was making nervous conversation, eating my candy-coated peanuts and Symphony bar like it was going out of style looking for some sort of comfort.
Another hour went by and I realized that I was now past the "couple of hours" mark for my babysitters and called my mom hoping she was in town. Thankfully, she wasn't flying and was able to come up and be with the kids. Finally, they called my name and I about jumped out of my seat and sprinted to the desk... my father-in-law even kind of chuckled at it. Trying to appear calm when you've played every possible scenario in your head (no matter how minor the surgery) is hard to do!
**SURGICAL CONTENT WARNING***The surgeon sat down with us and told us all the nitty gritty goodness of Superman's very sickly gall bladder. Apparently Superman had had that kryptonite in his pocket longer than we had thought. He was REALLY sick. They had attempted laparoscopy a couple of different ways, tried all sorts of things to get to the gall bladder, but it was SO enflamed there was nothing left to do but open him up. Apparently, the gall bladder was about four times the size it should be, the lining in some of the areas was close to half-inch thick, and there were so many large gall stones that even the large 8-in incision wasn't big enough to get the stupid thing out. They finally had to dissect the gall bladder and pull it out in pieces!!! After irrigating his gut out to clear out all the sludge, they then sewed in a drain to let the gunk find its way safely out. They finished the patch job with 23 stunning staples across his belly!
After a 15-minute discussion with the surgeon, they told us which room he would be assigned to. Dad and I walked there and waited another two hours for him to get out of recovery. We called the worried family members and waited some more. Starving, we both shared another of the chocolate bars I had stashed in my purse while we watched "Dirty Jobs" as a very good distraction.
When they finally brought him in (5-1/2 hours after he went in for surgery), he was beyond groggy. The first thing he says as he realizes he is hooked up to machines and laying flat on his back in a hospital bed and room feeling like crap is, "Well, I guess I won't be going home tonight, eh?" Ummm, no.
The very next day, they wanted him to be up and walking. I completely understand the mechanics of it and reasons for it, but I cringed every time he had to move, let alone stand and walk! After three days of constant antibiotics to get his infection taken care of, two more days of pain control coupled with painful walking up and down hospital halls, he was finally able to be miserable at home not just the hospital.
The next day, Sunday was truly a day of "rest" because Monday was the "Opening Ceremonies" per se of the 2009 Legislative Session. And Superman, being the super man he is, was going to be there, no matter what. So with a wheelchair packed in the back of the car, kids strapped in their seatbelts, pain medication in our pockets, a doctor's blessing (so long as Superman was pushed all day in the wheelchair for a couple of weeks) and prayers in our hearts and on our lips, we braved the ice-covered roads running late (big surprise) to get there just in time to wheel him to his seat on the House floor as the meeting began.
When they swore in the Legislators, they did it in two groups: the re-elected Represensatives and then the newly elected Representatives. They asked the new group to come up front to be sworn in. After the prolonged moving of chairs and people was finished, a fellow-Legislator wheeled Superman up front. Speaker of the House then thankfully excused my hubby from standing... and it became ceremonially official! He is a Utah State Legislator for real! The camera was one of the things that was forgotten as we ran out the door, so I am awaiting pictures from the other newby Legislator's wives that graciously took pictures for us! As soon as I have them, I'll post them.
My mother-in-law was a saint to take off work to be there for support, and then take my kids for the day so I could be there to help Superman. No matter what I said, he just wouldn't go home. I tried to give him all sorts of good and sound reasons that going home would be a really good idea, but he always had a reason to stay just a few minutes longer. I hope he doesn't pay for it later. Mom had dinner waiting for us when we finally got to her house to pick up the kidlets. By time we got him home in bed, exhausted, it was 10:00.
All so he could wake up and do it again the next day... this time without us... so far so good.
Well, there you have it. The update. THE END.
p.s. Oh yeah, and for those who might not know, wheelchairs are heavy and awkward things to heft in and out of a car all by my girly self! There is probably an easier way to do it, I just haven't found it yet. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Surgery
So here I sit in an empty house. My children have been graciously cared for my friends and family while I spent the better part of yesterday in doctor's appointments and the E.R. with Superman. (apparently he has had some cryptonite in his pocket)!
Finally at 10:30 last night it was concluded that he would be having his gall bladder removed today on an urgent basis.
Wow... nothing like a healthy (or rather unhealthy) slap in the face to bring it all into perspective!
There are several things I learned yesterday. I will only hit on the highlights:
1) I love my Superman and hate to see him so weak, pale, and in pain.
2) It empowers me to care for him. He is so strong and capable that many times I back away from doing that knowing he is amply able and more than willing to care for himself. Being in a position where I feel he needs me is invigorating!
3) While I am grateful for the care my husband is receiving, the healthcare system is messed up! Just ask the E.R. nurses who kept reminding Superman what he needs to change while in the Legislature!
4) Our friends and family are willing to drop everything to care for us! We interrupted two FHEs and a 55th birthday celebration with all this and yet these wonderful people were willing to rescue us with time and care! Even Gma K helped by running over and locking up the house after we ran out in all the madness forgetting to do so.
5) Not eating for 15 hours, juggling the kids, dropping off kids, farming out kids, caring for hubby, calling doctors, running all over the hospital, checking back and forth with doctors and radiologists and back again, sitting in an uncomfortable E.R. for three hours, etc. etc. etc. results in a mightly powerful headache by the end of the day. Boy am I grateful for Extra-Strength Tylenol and sleep!
6) I, once again, appreciate priesthood blessings and those worthy to give them.
7) I CAN DO HARD THINGS (that one's for you Heather)!
Thanks to everyone who has helped us! I know there are many, much harder health problems that other families have to deal with, and I am thankful this particular problem is easily resolved (now that we know what the problem really is)!
What a day we live in with this modern medicine and procedures. Though seemingly archaic and frustrating at times, we are truly blessed to live in this day and age! I'll keep you updated on his status...
Finally at 10:30 last night it was concluded that he would be having his gall bladder removed today on an urgent basis.
Wow... nothing like a healthy (or rather unhealthy) slap in the face to bring it all into perspective!
There are several things I learned yesterday. I will only hit on the highlights:
1) I love my Superman and hate to see him so weak, pale, and in pain.
2) It empowers me to care for him. He is so strong and capable that many times I back away from doing that knowing he is amply able and more than willing to care for himself. Being in a position where I feel he needs me is invigorating!
3) While I am grateful for the care my husband is receiving, the healthcare system is messed up! Just ask the E.R. nurses who kept reminding Superman what he needs to change while in the Legislature!
4) Our friends and family are willing to drop everything to care for us! We interrupted two FHEs and a 55th birthday celebration with all this and yet these wonderful people were willing to rescue us with time and care! Even Gma K helped by running over and locking up the house after we ran out in all the madness forgetting to do so.
5) Not eating for 15 hours, juggling the kids, dropping off kids, farming out kids, caring for hubby, calling doctors, running all over the hospital, checking back and forth with doctors and radiologists and back again, sitting in an uncomfortable E.R. for three hours, etc. etc. etc. results in a mightly powerful headache by the end of the day. Boy am I grateful for Extra-Strength Tylenol and sleep!
6) I, once again, appreciate priesthood blessings and those worthy to give them.
7) I CAN DO HARD THINGS (that one's for you Heather)!
Thanks to everyone who has helped us! I know there are many, much harder health problems that other families have to deal with, and I am thankful this particular problem is easily resolved (now that we know what the problem really is)!
What a day we live in with this modern medicine and procedures. Though seemingly archaic and frustrating at times, we are truly blessed to live in this day and age! I'll keep you updated on his status...
Hope
Those who do not know my heart may not know my progress, but I have watched it begin to change and it is truly liberating...
One of my tethers this year has been (and always is) music. Music has the power to move us, lead us, inspire us... and I have found one song in particular that does that recently for me (a so called recovering "despair-addict" per se).
The song is called, "C.S. Lewis Song" by Brooke Fraser, an amazing artist out of New Zealand(?). It was inspired by a quote by C.S. Lewis (go figure):
"If I find in myself a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
Here is the link to the youtube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHpuTGGRCbY
And here are the lyrics to the song (you will want to pull up both lyrics and video side-by-side in that her words may be difficult to understand on first hearing it):
"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here.
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary
Then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared.
Chorus:
Speak to me in the light of the dawn. Mercy comes with the morning.
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me.
Am I lost or just less found on the straight or on the round-about of the wrong way.
Is this a soul that stirs in me? Is it breaking free wanting to come alive?
'Cuz my comfort would prefer for me to be numb,
and avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become.
Chorus
For we, we are not long here.
Our time is but a breath,
So we'd better breathe it!
And I ... I was made to live!
I was made to love!
I was made to know You...
Hope is coming for me.
Hope is coming for me.
Hope is coming for me.
Hope, He's coming...
Chorus...
Dedicated to my friends and fellow-learners ... and especially Sayyadina who has taught me volumes about myself! Special thanks to Kelli for introducing me to Brooke's music!
One of my tethers this year has been (and always is) music. Music has the power to move us, lead us, inspire us... and I have found one song in particular that does that recently for me (a so called recovering "despair-addict" per se).
The song is called, "C.S. Lewis Song" by Brooke Fraser, an amazing artist out of New Zealand(?). It was inspired by a quote by C.S. Lewis (go figure):
"If I find in myself a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
Here is the link to the youtube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHpuTGGRCbY
And here are the lyrics to the song (you will want to pull up both lyrics and video side-by-side in that her words may be difficult to understand on first hearing it):
"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here.
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary
Then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared.
Chorus:
Speak to me in the light of the dawn. Mercy comes with the morning.
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me.
Am I lost or just less found on the straight or on the round-about of the wrong way.
Is this a soul that stirs in me? Is it breaking free wanting to come alive?
'Cuz my comfort would prefer for me to be numb,
and avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become.
Chorus
For we, we are not long here.
Our time is but a breath,
So we'd better breathe it!
And I ... I was made to live!
I was made to love!
I was made to know You...
Hope is coming for me.
Hope is coming for me.
Hope is coming for me.
Hope, He's coming...
Chorus...
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Dedicated to my friends and fellow-learners ... and especially Sayyadina who has taught me volumes about myself! Special thanks to Kelli for introducing me to Brooke's music!
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